My only friends now are bartenders

I've been getting free drinks at two neighborhood bars, a badge of honor that commemorates my social capabilities, poverty and alcoholism - a total hat trick in my awkward, self-effacing, suicidal world. Bartenders are the best friends I can have because they aren't needy. They don't call me and ask me where I am, when I'll show up, am I mad at them because I haven't been around; they just wait for me in the magical land of liquor, ready to insert my intravenous vodka drip.