Together, OMG

Here are two conversations I was having simultaneously today:

One is about me getting married.

One is about a 70-year-old, disgusting, nearly-or-completely-homeless man who shops at the store named Michael. He comes in almost every night about ten minutes before we close and holds us up for an hour while he selects his precious organic purchases. He puts each item, separately, into a container, the container into a paper bag, the paper bag into a plastic bag, and uses multiple rubberbands to secure it shut. He also makes lewd comments to the cashiers. Three years ago he asked me to sit on his lap. I threw up in my mouth because that was "in" at the time. He then told me he would bend me over his knee and spank me. From that point on I refused to ring him up. But two weeks ago, he attempted to interact with me so I told him to stop talking or I would call the police. I also told him to get the fuck out of my face. He told me that we had "unfinished business." Finally, he left, but not without blurting out a totally-rapey, "I'll see you next time, kiddo." All last week he called my manager to complain about my interpretation of customer service. He told her that he and I used to date each other and since we broke up, I've been brutally mean to him, and that also I once told him I was schizophrenic.

So, can you tell which conversation is which?